I went out with Chingy today, cause we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. Because it suited our mood, we wanted it to rain. We walked from Orchard Road to Marina Square and back to Suntec and it still didn't rain. Not one fucking drop.
That's not fair.
Anyway thanks Chingy (:
Normally I don't go all out to be caught in the rain, but now I just feel like sitting outside when it rains. If I get sick that may be a bonus. If I get really sick, it may be a bigger bonus.
If I get pneumonia or something and get hospitalised no one will ever know.
I love the song "Angie" by the Rolling Stones. It's on repeat, and I had it on repeat all the way home. I love the lyrics and it makes me think. It makes me wonder.
No I can't think. I can't wonder. I can only wait and see what happens. I'm suffering but it's all for a cause. Really? It's just really warped. I can't tell which way's up anymore. I can't tell what's right and what's wrong. Who's right and who's wrong. I can't make people happy anymore. I can't be the one and only person for someone to lean on. I can't, I can't.
I can't, or I'm not?
I'm not the only person for anyone anymore. I'm not able to make people happy anymore.
I don't know.
Alright I'm typing a lot of shit cause I really just want to talk to someone but there's no one, however I don't think my thoughts are coming out coherently.
nothing makes sense anymore.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
I
CAN'T
SLEEP
yet again.
RAWRRR.
I'm just blanking out in front of my laptop, doing nothing. I haven't felt this way since.. well since the last time, which wasn't too long ago. I don't want this to be a common, oft-happening situation. But who am I to call the shots? I can't, no matter how I want to.
To be in control you musn't get sad, not affected by it at all, and that completely puts me out of the running.
Sometimes I wonder if this whole fucking situation affects you as badly as me.
Hell, I wonder if it affects you at all.
It's bad to be sort of kind of happy that other people are in almost the same boat as me, but thank you Chingy, for well just that (:
At least we won't be alone tomorrow, friend!
CAN'T
SLEEP
yet again.
RAWRRR.
I'm just blanking out in front of my laptop, doing nothing. I haven't felt this way since.. well since the last time, which wasn't too long ago. I don't want this to be a common, oft-happening situation. But who am I to call the shots? I can't, no matter how I want to.
To be in control you musn't get sad, not affected by it at all, and that completely puts me out of the running.
Sometimes I wonder if this whole fucking situation affects you as badly as me.
Hell, I wonder if it affects you at all.
It's bad to be sort of kind of happy that other people are in almost the same boat as me, but thank you Chingy, for well just that (:
At least we won't be alone tomorrow, friend!
Unwanted familiarity.
I don't want this. I'm stranded with no one to talk to. Whatever happened to "I'll be there for you" blah blah. Let me tell you something, children.
The only person you ever have to depend on is yourself.
No one else. Cause recently I've learnt something, no matter how close you are to people, when you're in a time of dire need, when you really need to talk to someone real badly, no one's there for you.
Best friends, boyfriends, close friends, fair weather friends.
Once I had someone, someone who was the closest I ever got to a true friend, one who would stop and drop everything when I needed him, one who would be there for me and who, though he had his faults, would try his damned fucking hardest for me. But I was stupid, and now he's there for someone else, would drop everything for someone else, and all because I was a stupid person who didn't know what she had til she didn't have it anymore.
Anyway, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger yeah? I seriously doubt keeping everything bottled up inside me will kill me within the next few years, so I'll come out of all this stronger. So by not being there for me, people, you're indirectly making me a stronger, more independant person (not that I need to be more independant haha)
Good one people.
I watched Death Note Two today, and I'm proud of myself; I still am fine on my own, doing things alone, even after not doing so for a long time.
I'm proud that I'm not overly-dependant on anyone and I'm pleased to say that I was not lonely at all while I was out today, no not once, not while I was watching the movie, nor walking up Orchard Road in the rain, no while commuting on extremely crowded transport when everyone else had friends and loved ones near.
But the nights kill me.
I don't want this. I'm stranded with no one to talk to. Whatever happened to "I'll be there for you" blah blah. Let me tell you something, children.
The only person you ever have to depend on is yourself.
No one else. Cause recently I've learnt something, no matter how close you are to people, when you're in a time of dire need, when you really need to talk to someone real badly, no one's there for you.
Best friends, boyfriends, close friends, fair weather friends.
Once I had someone, someone who was the closest I ever got to a true friend, one who would stop and drop everything when I needed him, one who would be there for me and who, though he had his faults, would try his damned fucking hardest for me. But I was stupid, and now he's there for someone else, would drop everything for someone else, and all because I was a stupid person who didn't know what she had til she didn't have it anymore.
Anyway, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger yeah? I seriously doubt keeping everything bottled up inside me will kill me within the next few years, so I'll come out of all this stronger. So by not being there for me, people, you're indirectly making me a stronger, more independant person (not that I need to be more independant haha)
Good one people.
I watched Death Note Two today, and I'm proud of myself; I still am fine on my own, doing things alone, even after not doing so for a long time.
I'm proud that I'm not overly-dependant on anyone and I'm pleased to say that I was not lonely at all while I was out today, no not once, not while I was watching the movie, nor walking up Orchard Road in the rain, no while commuting on extremely crowded transport when everyone else had friends and loved ones near.
But the nights kill me.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Here we go again
why? Why? WHY?
It isn't easy. I don't want to argue. I don't want to quarrel. I don't want to fight anymore.
I don't want to feel sad, I don't want you to feel sad.
I don't want to spend the night wondering what would happen next, ignoring someone who is too significant to ignore, and I hope you don't want to do that too.
Yet, we do.
Why?
Why can't we just be happy? Wasn't that all we wanted all along? All we ever wanted when we started out? To just be happy with each other, no matter what? Accept each other for who we were?
How things change. I wish I could just turn back the months, sometimes it seems the longer this goes on, the more I wish I could turn back to the preliminary and earlier stages of this.
And it's not supposed to be that way.
Aren't we meant to look forward to the future and the things it brings?
But I'm living in the past.
Where's my time machine?
why? Why? WHY?
It isn't easy. I don't want to argue. I don't want to quarrel. I don't want to fight anymore.
I don't want to feel sad, I don't want you to feel sad.
I don't want to spend the night wondering what would happen next, ignoring someone who is too significant to ignore, and I hope you don't want to do that too.
Yet, we do.
Why?
Why can't we just be happy? Wasn't that all we wanted all along? All we ever wanted when we started out? To just be happy with each other, no matter what? Accept each other for who we were?
How things change. I wish I could just turn back the months, sometimes it seems the longer this goes on, the more I wish I could turn back to the preliminary and earlier stages of this.
And it's not supposed to be that way.
Aren't we meant to look forward to the future and the things it brings?
But I'm living in the past.
Where's my time machine?
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Filming
Terence got bored while waiting.
We're filming dinosaurs, which explains the tall tripod.
Taking a picture of someone filming someone filming the leap of faith
Terence the rice grain
Terence, your friendly neighbourhood spastic
The local ahbeng
Deadxian
More dinosaurs. Check out Merv's buttcrack.
"It's dutty"
Friday, December 15, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Ooh, things so trivial can piss me off SO MUCH.
Really. Why do I care anyway?
Why should I bother?
All of you mean nothing, absolutely nothing to me.
Pittance.
You all mean less to me than the price of gravel.
So why should you all bother me?
Stop mixing with my friends.
Stop mixing with my exs.
Stop mixing with my friends' exs.
You can be friends and all. But stop fawning over them like the sluts you are.
Go suck off a pig or something.
Especially you.
I shouldn't bother at all but I'm fucking pissed.
Really. Why do I care anyway?
Why should I bother?
All of you mean nothing, absolutely nothing to me.
Pittance.
You all mean less to me than the price of gravel.
So why should you all bother me?
Stop mixing with my friends.
Stop mixing with my exs.
Stop mixing with my friends' exs.
You can be friends and all. But stop fawning over them like the sluts you are.
Go suck off a pig or something.
Especially you.
I shouldn't bother at all but I'm fucking pissed.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Why do people argue?
Sometimes it's the shattering of hopes and dreams, of the rosy picture that one has painted of something, that wakes someone up from the dream-like state that they seem to have been stuck in for a while.
Is that a good thing?
Would you rather be in that happy, carefree, deluded place, or would you like to see reality as it is?
Whip off your rose-tinted glasses, remove any pretty notions you may have, and take a deep breath of reality.
What happened to fun things, simple things that produced a child-like, carefree happiness, like riding on the bus forever, waking up early to walk in the morning sun, the feeling of cool water on warm skin as the pool water soothes limbs?
The ache you'd get when something felt so good it hurt?
Change is good, sometimes, but don't you wish you could win a time-out that allowed you to visit the past, no strings attached?
All the past happy times with whomever made you smile, just for a while, so you could maybe appreciate what you have now?
Where are you, oh where are you now, people of the past?
Questions, questions. Rhetorical , hypothetical, genuine or authentic, who's going to answer them?
you.
Sometimes it's the shattering of hopes and dreams, of the rosy picture that one has painted of something, that wakes someone up from the dream-like state that they seem to have been stuck in for a while.
Is that a good thing?
Would you rather be in that happy, carefree, deluded place, or would you like to see reality as it is?
Whip off your rose-tinted glasses, remove any pretty notions you may have, and take a deep breath of reality.
What happened to fun things, simple things that produced a child-like, carefree happiness, like riding on the bus forever, waking up early to walk in the morning sun, the feeling of cool water on warm skin as the pool water soothes limbs?
The ache you'd get when something felt so good it hurt?
Change is good, sometimes, but don't you wish you could win a time-out that allowed you to visit the past, no strings attached?
All the past happy times with whomever made you smile, just for a while, so you could maybe appreciate what you have now?
Where are you, oh where are you now, people of the past?
Questions, questions. Rhetorical , hypothetical, genuine or authentic, who's going to answer them?
you.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Myspace makes me sad
Or rather, sometimes the interactions between people on myspace makes me writhe up inside and makes my mind wonder.
I know Shakespere hates my emo poems but I don't care.
The bunch of us went to Upskirt Asia - ooh that's Upstream Asia Pte Ltd - today, it's a PR company, and boy does their PR suck. haha. I mean why chase us out just cause we were early? And a "boardroom" with only 6 chairs, so the majority of people had to stand in the tiny, walled-off cubicle? That's just not on.
Dentsu was so much better, and Dentsu is an advertising company. Rarrrrwhhh. Yes Dentsu pwnages, they put us in this huge-ass boardroom and gave us drinks and a proper presentation. Oh well.
Life kinda sucks now. It's real boring and mundane and I need more friends who I can hang out with, friends who don't care about what time I have to go home, cause some people sure do.
At least I'll have a reprive from all this, it just hit me when I was on the bus home that next Saturday I'll be leaving for KL and Phuket.
Chyessssss
Or rather, sometimes the interactions between people on myspace makes me writhe up inside and makes my mind wonder.
I know Shakespere hates my emo poems but I don't care.
The bunch of us went to Upskirt Asia - ooh that's Upstream Asia Pte Ltd - today, it's a PR company, and boy does their PR suck. haha. I mean why chase us out just cause we were early? And a "boardroom" with only 6 chairs, so the majority of people had to stand in the tiny, walled-off cubicle? That's just not on.
Dentsu was so much better, and Dentsu is an advertising company. Rarrrrwhhh. Yes Dentsu pwnages, they put us in this huge-ass boardroom and gave us drinks and a proper presentation. Oh well.
Life kinda sucks now. It's real boring and mundane and I need more friends who I can hang out with, friends who don't care about what time I have to go home, cause some people sure do.
At least I'll have a reprive from all this, it just hit me when I was on the bus home that next Saturday I'll be leaving for KL and Phuket.
Chyessssss
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)